Fuck i cant take it anymore

man… life sure knows how to throw some fuckin curve balls at a muthafucka. just when things seem to be gettin a little better shit finds a way to come back at you ten fold. lets see.my dads got cancer and with it comes a 1-3 year life expectancy. my mom is in a situation where i have to take care of her… and i cant but i’m the only one there to do it so i have to anyway. i still cant find a job, and to top it all off, i have seen that my relationship with the woman i love can no longer peacefully exist. its at a point where its worse to be together than anything else. one of the worse feelings i have ever known is to see that a person i really care for, and says they care for me, wrongs me…very very badly and tries to justify her actions by noting my faults while she’s trying to apologize. thats not what i see as remorse. i have always been the type where i dont lose my cool, the type who hates confrontation and hates to get into it. and among all else the loyal and forgiving type. someone can wrong me many times and in many ways, before i give up on them. but this person who i love and says loves me, has, in the past several years brought out the worst in me, made me do things that only 2 people have ever made me do… i take that back, only i can make myself do anything, but she has brought me to the point where these things have entered my mind. manipulated and twisted me, and stood by while i fell and just sat there and “told me so”. now i no longer am the person that i once was or the person thatso many of my friends know. on the outside yes, but never at the core and that is her sin that i can never forgive her for. so yeah…lifes great…anyone ever wonder why i dont believe in karma…read this again.i love life…but i hate the things that it has brought to me. maybe they just prepare me, or make me stronger, but its a mutherfucker for the time being. so much more to writ, but i think i’ll just end it right here. the blog i mean.